If you should pop your clogs on or before
Halloween and become a restless spirit doomed to walk the earth, or one of the living dead cursed to feed off human blood
(hey - it happens!) then here are ten ways to spend the celebrations this year
Go to the special Halloween showings at the
multiplex and see all the films for free!
Go round trick or treating, tear your decaying
flesh from your face and say: 'Realistic isn't it!' They will be so impressed at how good you make-up is that they will give
you more money!
Hide behind a tombstone in a graveyard and when
the local kids dare each other to run through alone, jump out in front of them!
Go round to the people you disliked while alive
and your enemies, and scare them shitless; making them wish they'd never give you any trouble while you were still in the
land of the living.
Go round to the house of the girl you fancied
while alive, and scare the pants off her! Then when you've got the pants off her ...
Go round to your friends' Halloween party, leap
out from behind the bushes and shout: 'Surprise!'
If you come back invisible to the human eye,
lift a pumpkin into the air and make it dance about, and sing: 'I ain't got no body!'
Also if you are invisible, go round door-to-door
with a group of trick or treaters, wearing a white sheet with holes cut out for eyes, and then when the residents answer the
door, whip off your sheet; revealing no one underneath! You'll make both the residents and your fellow trick or treaters jump
out of their skin (or their own sheets - more appropriately!)
Venture into your local chemists and go
up to the assistant and ask her has she got anything for this nasty skin complaint - pointing out your rotting flesh.
Turn up at the local Halloween party and walk
around stiffly like a zombie. You'll look the part because of your appearance. Everyone will marvel at how good your performance
is, and then for the finale you can bite into one of their necks to feed - because you really are a zombie!